Not My Money, Not Your - It's Our Money

Not My Money, Not Your Money – Our Money


“What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine.” This old expression typifies how some couples refer to their finances. What is behind the mindset that makes two people happy about making a life commitment with one another in everything except finances? How does a couple get to the point where they can truly say, "It’s not my money, it's not your money; it’s our money."

Perhaps the answer is being able to trust a partner without reservation and letting go of the control factor that has been part of the mindset in one’s life.

Let’s play devil’s advocate for a moment. A single woman, who earns a good-sized paycheck, hooks up with a single man who earns quite a bit more. They fall in love and decide to marry. They have two choices: (1) they could join forces and combine their earnings or (2) they decide not to truthfully disclose their finances and keep everything separate.

Which scenario do you think is conducive to an open and honest relationship? When wedding vows are made to “take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer,” this does not include the words “except when it comes to money.”

It seems that in scenario number two, there is a door that is left slightly ajar for either party to escape if things do not work out. It doesn’t say much for the impending marriage, does it?

Conversely, in scenario number one there is an unconditional surrender in which the couple put all their faith and trust in each other. No matter what each partner brings to the table, including all their foibles, love trumps money every time. Yet, even this statement is not true all of the time.

The reason why there are so many pre-nuptial agreements today is that money will always be an issue for some. Or perhaps the main catalyst is being in control of one’s money all the time.

When a couple has a child, you would never hear “she’s my daughter; no, she’s my daughter.” They proudly announce “this is our daughter.”

When a woman works two jobs so her husband can become a doctor or when a man works several shifts so his wife can complete her master’s degree – they are not thinking about who is spending the most money. They are working together as a unit because they want each other to succeed and achieve their goals.

Life is hard enough and marriage is an ongoing work in progress. Why saddle it with pre-conditions about money? Being a couple means making a commitment to share everything: happiness, sorrow, pain, frustrations - and yes, money.